The Handsome Browser

The Internet for men

The Internet was created so serious men could get stuff done. Now it’s full of politically correct, pussyfooting nonsense. That’s not our grandfathers’ Internet, and it doesn’t have to be ours.

It's time for the men of the Internet to live again. It's time for the Handsome Browser.

No frills

No frills

Enough neuter pronouns and frou-frou selfies. We serve up content for men.

No fuss

Treating men like men wasn't a problem in ages past. It shouldn't be one now.

No frailty

If you like frilly Web doilies and getting butthurt, don't waste your time.

Install in 30 seconds.
Enjoy the Internet forever.

Winston Churchill

The man singlehandedly united the world against Hitler. The man smoked cigars in public restrooms. The man got things done, and you should feel like the man every time you open your browser.

Francis Drake

Admiral, pirate, adventurer, second man to sail around the world. He had a $6.5 million bounty on his head, and still lived to the ripe old age of 55. His last words? "Suck it, Spain." Isn't it time we men felt a little El Draque in us when we use the Web?

Theodore Roosevelt

The man knew how to kick back, enjoy the great outdoors, and rule the world. When his successor turned out to be a huge disappointment, Teddy started the Bull Moose party and punted him out of office. Today's men deserve an online experience that lets them take life by the antlers, just like Teddy.

It’s time to face the facts. The Internet doesn’t care if you’re a man.

Your children care. Your lover cares. You care. But the second you strut into cyberspace, you’re a genderless s/he whose only significance is whatever ads Mark ZuckerBorg wants to sling your way.

That’s not how the Internet should be, fellows. We are brothers, and it’s time the Web knew.

Think about your grandfather. Did he put up with Communism?

Think about your great-grandfather. Did he put up with Nazism?

So why should you put up with an Internet that just wants to rip out your mustache, dress you in a unisex toga, and pretend there’s no difference between men and women?

It’s a grave struggle that all men have shared since December 20, 1990. That’s the day the world’s first website went live. And that first website did nothing to recognize the men visiting it. Since that day, websites have followed suit, with precious few bloggers championing the cause of gender-specific Web browsing.

Here’s the shocker: most of the people behind the World Wide Web were men. You would think that these heroes of the Information Age would have looked across the supercollider one day and realized that the Internet needed to recognize men and women for their distinct perspectives, characteristics, preferences, and ways of life. But this obvious need was lost in their haste to make the world a better place.

And after the Internet was launched, they had so many pressing things to deal with that this to-do item migrated from “Critical for leaving beta” to “Someday/maybe.” It has been on the back burner ever since.

We still respect them. In fact, without them, there would be no Handsome Browser. We salute you, Tim Berners-Lee, and we have your back.

That’s why we created the Handsome Browser. It’s the Internet for men.

Why didn’t we create an Internet for women? Because we’re not women, and we don’t presume to know what women want to experience online. But the world is brimming with top-notch female coders, dreamers, and Web designers. We are confident that a feminine counterpart to the Handsome Browser will arrive someday soon.

But this isn’t about women. This is about the marginalized men of the Internet. This is about the men who wonder if masculinity means anything in the Information Age. Yes, gentlemen, it does. And the Handsome Browser is here to prove it. This new Internet is already teeming with good-natured, hard-working, masculine life—and you can join it right now. It’s a way for men to use the Web in a way that recognizes us for what we are:


Special thanks to Photos of the Great War for the airship photo.

Welcome home, gentlemen

You have put up with frilly browsers long enough. It’s time to experience the Web the way God, honor, and natural law intended us to.